It's really sad.

I don't think it's cos I have too high expectations for myself anymore. Been feeling invisible my whole life, yet I have this weird strange quality in me to always persuade myself that I'm special and not just normal. Plain. Boring.
I'm just too tired to inject any positive thoughts in my brain now. Or many it's just all these years of living in denial lol. Sometimes I wonder if I should just surrender and accept that I'm gonna be a typical Singaporean/woman.

I look at the people around me and all I see are sparkles so bright I would curl up in my cost corner instinctively.
Considering if it's time to let it go. It'll be so hard... Letting go 1 of the few things I'm ever proud of. But I don't think it's doing me any good. I fee like my brain and heart are twisted and in all sorts of knots which will never be untangled. Most the time I tell myself to be contented with life and what I have now. But the other times I just feel like throwing a damn tantrum to let people know I'm there in the shadows.
But that's not me. I don't throw tantrums. I'm rational.
This is so pathetic.





Hmm, maybe period's coming.

Labels: self pity