I am feeling so bad now.
Try to imgaine how much, but you'll never succeed.

You know, I've got a feeling that someone supposedly CLOSE to me actually hates me. Actually, hate is such a strong word I think I rather not use it.
It's quite obvious and I've been thinking about it for a very very long time. Very. Really, why are some people such.. hypocrites. Why say something to me, when you feel otherwise?

It's bothering me so much, that I feel like zibi-ing again, just like how I did in Secondary 2. I really think I will.
My posts are really dumb, and all i do is whine. I didn't create this blog to 'cater to the masses'. It's my own personal shit. Don't complain if you disagree with my whining and complains about my life. Everyone complains and whine about their life, EVEN if they are already the luckiest person in the whole universe or if they have a great life.


I'm so bothered. ><
Going to triple kill to vent my frustrations. Argh.
(The above are all assumptions that someone might be stabbing at voodoo doll with my name on it or adding bulks of cotton into it in hope of me getting fatter and uglier)

Yay, everything's okay. Mehhhhh.
Going to try to mug for the whole day today, not before playing a few games and heading to Popular. Need to get my writing pad and pen refills. God, I'm going to be so broke. ):
Not enough money to shop shop next week already!

If we can't even last being seperated a week, I don't know what will happen in the future. I want this to work out so bad.


Something is wrong with me and my brain which I guess is clogged up by my fats thus I can't think properly and had to offend someone which I have been waiting to spend time with for so long.
Only an idiot would make such a stupid mistake and cause everything to be screwed up.

With a sense of foreboding, I pray that nothing happens. I guess I can do anything to make sure of that.
Maybe I'm just meant to be alone for the rest of my life as I screw up whatever happiness that comes in my way without even meaning to. Then I regret like some bitch but it's too late.
Never ever have I felt this special and yet I had to ruin it for myself.

I have no right to be sad nor unhappy, I guess. Neither do I have the right to cry.
What right do I have when all of this is my doing. Maybe Marc's right, I always think that I am correct. I am a bossy, bitchy and irritating girlfriend.
A vulgur scolding one in fact.


Everyone says I've got a good boyfriend, that I've got a caring boyfriend, that I'm so lucky.
But did anyone close to him say that of me. I don't know. Some people even go to say that I'll marry him. I wished I would not screw that up.
He's everything I wanted, but what do I still want from me. For being greedy, I have to be punished in silence. I have no right to complain nor beg for mercy.

Just a sentence, and I ruined everything. I don't even know myself, why I do that. Why did I blurt out those forbidden things. Sorry won't help, I know that. But what else can I say to salvage the situation. If I could, I would be on a plane in the next hour. If I could, I would be by his side right now.
What can apologising do, when my insensitive words hurt him so badly. I don't know what I can do. I don't understand why am I such a failure, so useless. I thought I am supposed to understand him the most. But do I?
Will he assure me now?


So many things I want to say, yet I don't know how to.
I just hope only the things which he and me wants and thinks come true.
It pains me so much, my stupidity, your sadness, your anger, my regret.

I love you, do you understand that?

INTRODUCING PUP'S HUBBY:

HOSSAN LEONG!

Ahahah, she was like laughing hysterically at Hossan Leong's expression on the Hua Yu Cool poster outside Tampinese Library. =p


We got the toys above when we went to 7-11 for our lunch. Lol. Super cute right. I got a lorry eraser. Love it so much.
It's been a long time since I've eaten at 7-11. Instant noodles + shit food. Lol. Jiu jiu yi qi, wont die. I LOVE MR. SOFTIE. WEEEEEEE.


In the auditorium:



Some random pictures of my fat thighs and buddies <3





Poor Poo emo-ing away all by himself. He was rocking back and forth by the way. Super funny. Lol.


When the school bus finally came (after waiting for like 45minutes) we had soooooooooo much fun on the bus. HEEHEEHEE.

The bus became KBox instantly and everyone was spamming songs of all languages. I especially love the Hokkien part. Ai pia jia eh yeeeyaaaaaa! Lol. We must pia for Olevels already.

And Jeremy kept lying on Kiong's shoulders. How gay is that?



I kind of felt that I liked 4/1 for the first time in my life today. Like, bonded and such, of course without the involvment of some people which I don't really uhm, want to entertain. Jmqs have given us so much laughter that I think we should thank them. :D
4/1 should go for karaoke man. We get so high. Lol.
I can tiao tiao with Rc and ji ji with Qingy and do the Yongsheng face with Pup. AHAHA, so fun.



- rOx - xCreax - " you're all that i want. nothing else matters as much as you do" says:
i say t spike you nia



HAHAHAHAHAHAH SPIKE ME SIALLLLLLl!

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Pup's so cute. :D
She can say "I don't know" in this super cute and funny way. Ahahaha. I'm like so addicted to it. I-DUNNO.
~~ Today she laugh like crazy in the bus too. Siao char bor. HAEHAEHAHEAHAHAHEA!

I want to go out on Saturday! I need to find some activities. ): Or else I will anyhow think if I stay at home. Mehhhh. Though I think someone else is suffering a more serious case than me. =/
I dunno I dunno I dunno!

SO CUTEEEEE!

I feel soooooooo fat! Sigh. Ate super a lot of sweets today during Comprehension workshop. Waste of my time seriously. Had to go all the way to Tampinese. God.

And I just realised I left my 8Days at B's house. -_-
Sigh. I'm leading a very very unhealthy life since he has gone. >< I should stop this man. Booooo.

I am eating far too much. I am eating more than I should be eating.
Have been stuffing myself with potato chips, biscuits, bread and fruits since I reached home. I am supposed to be slimming down. Zzz.
And I am missing him so effing much. Sigh.

Olevels coming sooooo soon. Ah ah ah ah ahhhhhh.
I will bathe and study, soon. Feeling so lethargic since morning. Want to sleep. ):
Have to go to the bloody English workshop tomorrow too. 3pm - 6pm. Oh god. For Thursday and Friday. It's seriously a waste of money and time.

Speaking of English,
English (total): 65/100 B3

I'm not really happy with that. Aiming for a distinction for the Os but oh well, I'll make do with it. With that, I have successfully halfed my L1R5.
45 -> 22.
Yea lah. I shall half it again for the Os.
22 -> 11. Wish me luck.

Sometimes I wonder why some people can make friends so very easily. I can't do that.
It's not that I want to be anti-social eh? I guess I have 2 different personalities. Those who are buddies with me would know.
So I come to realise that I am outcasting myself. -____- Mehhh, heck.


Gina is very irritating. So is Trina. Continue whining and crying and quarreling and I'll ban them from using the laptop. Fuck them. No laptop also whine. Got laptop also whine. I don't understand what they want from me okay.

I'm already in a bad mood.
I want to game, but I have to study. Back to doing Maths sums again. 1week of super mugging before B comes back. I want koala bear(s). Real, living ones.
HEEHEEHEE.

7more days to go. ):

I love you. <3