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Posted on Saturday, September 29
Posted at 12:07 AM
Posted at 12:07 AM
If we can't even last being seperated a week, I don't know what will happen in the future. I want this to work out so bad.
Something is wrong with me and my brain which I guess is clogged up by my fats thus I can't think properly and had to offend someone which I have been waiting to spend time with for so long.
Only an idiot would make such a stupid mistake and cause everything to be screwed up.
With a sense of foreboding, I pray that nothing happens. I guess I can do anything to make sure of that.
Maybe I'm just meant to be alone for the rest of my life as I screw up whatever happiness that comes in my way without even meaning to. Then I regret like some bitch but it's too late.
Never ever have I felt this special and yet I had to ruin it for myself.
I have no right to be sad nor unhappy, I guess. Neither do I have the right to cry.
What right do I have when all of this is my doing. Maybe Marc's right, I always think that I am correct. I am a bossy, bitchy and irritating girlfriend.
A vulgur scolding one in fact.
Everyone says I've got a good boyfriend, that I've got a caring boyfriend, that I'm so lucky.
But did anyone close to him say that of me. I don't know. Some people even go to say that I'll marry him. I wished I would not screw that up.
He's everything I wanted, but what do I still want from me. For being greedy, I have to be punished in silence. I have no right to complain nor beg for mercy.
Just a sentence, and I ruined everything. I don't even know myself, why I do that. Why did I blurt out those forbidden things. Sorry won't help, I know that. But what else can I say to salvage the situation. If I could, I would be on a plane in the next hour. If I could, I would be by his side right now.
What can apologising do, when my insensitive words hurt him so badly. I don't know what I can do. I don't understand why am I such a failure, so useless. I thought I am supposed to understand him the most. But do I?
Will he assure me now?
So many things I want to say, yet I don't know how to.
I just hope only the things which he and me wants and thinks come true.
It pains me so much, my stupidity, your sadness, your anger, my regret.
I love you, do you understand that?
Something is wrong with me and my brain which I guess is clogged up by my fats thus I can't think properly and had to offend someone which I have been waiting to spend time with for so long.
Only an idiot would make such a stupid mistake and cause everything to be screwed up.
With a sense of foreboding, I pray that nothing happens. I guess I can do anything to make sure of that.
Maybe I'm just meant to be alone for the rest of my life as I screw up whatever happiness that comes in my way without even meaning to. Then I regret like some bitch but it's too late.
Never ever have I felt this special and yet I had to ruin it for myself.
I have no right to be sad nor unhappy, I guess. Neither do I have the right to cry.
What right do I have when all of this is my doing. Maybe Marc's right, I always think that I am correct. I am a bossy, bitchy and irritating girlfriend.
A vulgur scolding one in fact.
Everyone says I've got a good boyfriend, that I've got a caring boyfriend, that I'm so lucky.
But did anyone close to him say that of me. I don't know. Some people even go to say that I'll marry him. I wished I would not screw that up.
He's everything I wanted, but what do I still want from me. For being greedy, I have to be punished in silence. I have no right to complain nor beg for mercy.
Just a sentence, and I ruined everything. I don't even know myself, why I do that. Why did I blurt out those forbidden things. Sorry won't help, I know that. But what else can I say to salvage the situation. If I could, I would be on a plane in the next hour. If I could, I would be by his side right now.
What can apologising do, when my insensitive words hurt him so badly. I don't know what I can do. I don't understand why am I such a failure, so useless. I thought I am supposed to understand him the most. But do I?
Will he assure me now?
So many things I want to say, yet I don't know how to.
I just hope only the things which he and me wants and thinks come true.
It pains me so much, my stupidity, your sadness, your anger, my regret.
I love you, do you understand that?
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