Okay I just wanna say my life has been fucked up by Gregory Tan and a bitch ever since I came back to Singapore. And for some reason I still decided to stay with him. Not that he begged me to anyway. It's all my own choice. Wow lucky guy?
Cos no I don't wanna go through learning to be single and living without him. No I don't wanna be sad for god knows how long with no one to make me happy. No I don't want to.

So now I'm thinking if only I didn't go to Thailand. WOW nice. I bet my life would still be great now. But still, even if I did not go, he lied to me already. No I don't really care if he lied, as long as he didn't really DO SOMETHING. Too bad, I went to Thailand AND was determined to be a good girlfriend and not drink a lot/flirt etc unlike him. So am I not supposed to let him get out of my sight now?

How I wished I could be like him. Being able to do such bullshit. I can't even fucking do it man. Wow I'm actually quite disgusted. It's so unfair. He knows it but he doesn't care. LOL unfair so? Ahahahahhaaha. Kns. I'm so useless man. 


So now what.
I don't know. I can't really do anything to that bitch anyway. Since she'll probably say I can't even "keep" my own boyfriend ya da ya da ya da. And yeah my head is so filled with images ideas thoughts images images images. Imagining her leaning on him, hugging, kissing ew. Seriously, AM I A SAINT OR WHAT?!
Fuck.

But if I can't let him go, I just gotta blame myself in the future if I get hurt like this again.
It'll probably be byebye fuck off then. No it won't happen again, he says.
And for some reason I am believing it. Not totally, but still. Even now I'm still not sure if I know all the truth. Am I still being lied to? Is he still hiding things from me? As long as he denies, I doubt even if there is, there's no chance of me to find out.

Tired. Fuck bitch. Angry.
I seriously don't know if I should be angry at him, the bitch or myself.
Why do I have to go through all these shit when I'm only 18years old.
Zzzzzzz am I gonna have the same fate as my mum or what?! Walao.


I'm glad there's at least someone to talk to, play dota with during this period of time. I'm glad that at least I truly laughed and smiled even though I was breaking apart during this bullshit. Or am I just unbreakable? LOL.

Okay I don't know what I'm saying already. Fuck you bitch. Okay I wanted to curse her to get drunk and raped but nevermind. I think I'm nice and I shall be nice even to her. So all I'm gonna say is fuck you bitch. Bye.

And yet again I'm hurt.
The same things I've heard so many many many times, I heard them again. Yesterday, and today. Again and again and again.
Always the same, just that the female lead changes. This time it was unfortunate that mada shared the same name as her.

I don't know how the hell I can withstand all these bullshit nonsense about not doing anything to betray me and the crap tone I was being talked to. I might most probably be the winner for best tolerating and forgiving girlfriend. Makes me feel like flirting with some guys and going out with them alone. Drinking some alcohol with them and getting wasted with them. Lying and keep me in the dark seems such an easy task, even after being caught red handed.

L-O-L

I don't know if Thailand was good or bad.
I think it's just normal. The game against that all girls dota team kinda ruined everything. Lol.. not that I wasn't emo enough about my ES during the stage match.
I don't really feel like blogging now. Lack of pictures and enthusiasm. Probably tomorrow.
And especially not when something stupid happened in school today when I was not there AGAIN. Wow how I wish I was there to own some people.

Work today was horrible. So busy and only Richmond and me was there.
So tired that I had a headache and felt like vomitting -_- Wtf so glad that I'm going to Thailand tomorrow. I can't imagine having to work for the next few days after this. Zzzzzz.

I've been quite happy recently.
Went to play $1.50 for 4 songs Jubeat at Iluma and it felt super great! Lol plus I unexpectedly SS-ed Area51 and almost B Evans! Omg I feel so happy just thinking about it. :D My Area51 SS is not a one time thing okay! LOL for some reason I can suddenly SS and be able to maintain that score! And I finally SSS-ed and full combo-ed Free. I am in love with that song at the moment. <3 I'm gonnnnna B Evans soooooon! AHAHAHH song bo.

+++ I'm now level 35 in Aion! AHAHAH just ding-ed a few minutes ago. I can finally use my Flame Mail and Death Staff ahhhhhhhhahahahaahahah. Life is great. Aion is quite fun, somehow.. despite the insane amount of time needed to grind to level -_-

Furthermore, I am so glad that training has been mostly fun. I'm actually kinda shock that I can have this much fun when playing with them. Lol it's like the total opposite from the past when trainings meant waiting for late comers for an hour and losing games without having fun/learning anything. Not that trainings don't start later than planned now but hmmm, it's just different.
Thailand tomorrow and I still have not packed my bag. Lol damn shit. I hope I don't forget to bring my toothbrush or something else. I still remember that when I was young, I forgot to bring my underwear overseas. -_- like how fun right LOL.


Oh well, I hope I don't miss grigri tan too much.. It's weird. Feel weird without him by my side now. ><
Bah bye hope I have fun in Thailand.

I wanna stuff myself with Beardpapa cream puffs and shiratama zenzai.
Work will be bearable if I eat non-stop.
I really need my cream puffs. Grigri ate my cream puffs. I want my red beans. Red red red bean paste.........

Basically, I think I'm just buying things for the joy I get from buying them.
Spending money feels so great. Spending unnecessary money is not so great.
Lol. I gotta stop.

Life feels so monotonous nowadays.
Aion, DotA, work, sleep. There's no grigri in there at all. He's too busy caring about lagging behind in levels in Aion to be bothered anyway. Not that I didn't expect this. And I think as time goes by I gradually begin to just let things go. Nothing I can do even if I get angry or sad. I'd only waste my own energy and brain cells.
Lol but I really hate it when he gives me pressure to play. Always makes me feel like I'm his burden or something. Like he'd be ashamed if people see his girlfriend being a low level. And as always, I'm probably thinking too much, or at least that's what he would say.
And when I do play, he makes me feel like a total loser/noob/idiot/stupid etc. Like I shouldn't even be playing at all. Lol I used to go crazy and make a big fuss out of it. Now I just ignore and shut up. And I realised it helps a great deal to just shut up and let him be. I can't ever win him in a quarrel anyway, neither do I want us having to go through another senseless quarrel.

And I really get quite pissed off when he gives excuses to not send me home when my place is just 10mins walk away. It's totally okay if he says no, but it's not when he gives excuses. Not when he says he's tired and he's gonna sleep soon but when I am home he plays Aion with me for another 3 hours before he sleeps. I don't get it at all. Is he just plain lazy or is he really tired? Not that I didn't talk to him about this before, I'm so sick of caring and hoping for something out of him. I'd only feel like shit after disappointment. But still, as much as I whine about him, he's still the best... lol.

A silly thought just came to my mind.
If I was super angry at him and said that I'd only forgive him if he shave all his leg hairs, would he do it? LOL. Funny thought. Don't think he will. Lol..


Enough of the shit talk I guess. Just venting my frustration for the past week here. Lol.

Exciting things coming up include ESTC and school starting. This is the first ever time in my whole life I'm looking forward to the start of school. Not that I wanna go to school at 8am, I just feel glad that I am not working full time lol. Working really sucks.
ESTC is gonna be great I can feeeeeel it. I am of course excluding the fact that we would probably lose a lot of games. My only hope is that I don't feed. I haven alwayssssss wanted to go to Thailand~~ And I've been even more excited after knowing that Cyn would be coming with us. Cheap food, shopping weeeeeeee. Food food food.
I even get to skip the first day of school 'cos of ESTC! Lol.

Okay I am positive there's something growing in my left eye. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz damn shit.
Whatever it is I hope it'd go away tomorrow -_- My eye has been hurting for like 3 days already.

Haven't been watching much of my Jap dramas lately. I think it's time to mass watch. Shall go to work earlier and order a sundae while watching Bloody Monday.
Oh I just remembered, I can't do that 'cos he's gonna bring my laptop to work to play Aion LOLOLOL
I'm getting owned by Aion.