Weeee I'm kinda excited about Dan Brown's new book! I can't wait for September! ^^ Furthermore, that's my birthday month hohoho! For those who still haven't heard about the news, here the link. For people like mada who doesn't like the book, TOO BAD FOR YOU. I bet it's 'cos you don't understand the book. HAHAHA joking. 

How I wish time could turn back to the time when all I ever could say about gri were good things. 

And so when mada refers to the Star Awards as Red Awards, I realised that school is gonna start really really soon. And I'll be bombarded with mada lameness everyday. Lol.

Ok so I miscalculated. My jibai pay is only 144.50 'cos they count the hours from 16th of a month to the 15th of the next. But the pay only comes on the 31st of the next month. WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFff fuck man. Fucked up. -_- 1st month of working always sucks. The feeling of not getting enough money back from working.
The point is that I'm in need of money now. Damn it. With mummy's birthday and all. And a certain anniversary with someone....

AND FUCK AS I'M TYPING THIS THERE ARE FUCKING LOADS OF ANTS CRAWLING OUT OF MY LAPTOP. Fuck. So now my laptop is an ant hole?! Damn I'm pissed.

I have a lot of things that I'm disgruntled about. The fact that I didn't get to eat my yami yogurt last Sunday. Yes I'm still damn pissed about it. And I think it'd be damn dumb of me to go to Junction 8 just for it and go back to gri's house. Gri will say I'm crazy. I'd too. But I really wanna eat it man fuck. Zzzzzzzz why can't they bloody open an outlet in AMKhub instead of that weird red yogurt shop.
And school is reopening. On the 20th. Fuck. WHY SO FAST?! It's really too fast man. Zzzzz. And I've gotta sign up for mada and my gems later on. Argh this is getting shitty.


.. I forgot the other things I wanted to whine about after I got distracted by gri's dota game. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Fuck. I just want my yami yogurt now. Oh oh oh oh oh! Good news is, gri can walk sooooooon. Woot and we're going to Marche~~~~ hiakhiakhiak. ^^ food food food.
Oh ya my laptop's battery is a little kuku already. Zzzzzzz I think it can only last for about an hour or lesser now. 100%.... this sucks. Damn.

And I really wanna go shopping. Just the thought of starting school again wearing back same old clothes and shorts that are too loose. But my pay of 144.50 doesn't allow me to go shopping. Boohoo too bad so sad.

Sigh. I think Toradora will make me happier. Bye.

Almost. Bah, don't wanna talk about it.

Oh god and something fucking *^#%@^#*&^!*&#^@&*@ embarrassing happened...... ah... I think I'm gonna disappear from the world for maybe 1 week and everyone will forget it! Including me -_- fuck man, all grigri fault. HAHAHAH :/
I'll never ever skype again man. ): SUCKSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS SHIT.

The truth is, I can't imagine life without him now. What kind of person will I become? On the other hand, he most probably can. After all, he has his games and doesn't have to face an idiot like me.
Yesterday suddenly feels so surreal, telling me I can't leave him. If that really how he feels? Or is that just some way to make me happy only. Does he really not want me to leave him? Is he really afraid of losing me? If so, why is he doing this to me.
Everytime I'd ask myself what I've done wrong to make him angry. but is it really my fault? Have I really done something wrong? I'm so tired of experiencing this sadness and being hurt like this every few weeks. So what if we're almost together for 2 years?
Can I leave him? Do I want to? But is my love enough to keep me going if this persists?

I'm on the verge of running away from these. I don't know what I can write to make myself feel better, to persuade myself that this relationship is still worth me cherishing. I've never felt like this before, like I really need a break.
But I don't want a break. Truthfully, I don't trust myself enough to believe that I can just live my life without him now. And I don't trust that he'll make any effort to keep me by his side. I don't feel like I'm of any importance to him. So what if I cry, so what if I'm angry. Nothing about me seems like it matters to him.