wth. wth wth wth.
what did i do wrong. WHAT THE HELL DID I DO WRONG.
what stupid thing did i do again to make u angry again.
ytd u still assure me u wont.
u told me u wont.
u said u wont ever ever ever again.

then, then now what. i dont know what to do! seriously, what u wan me to do. u nv reply me, so i go home. bu dui ma? why, what i do to make u angry. u want play, i let i play. i didn't disturb u like a irritating pest. u dont wan to come out, never mind. u dont want to come out, i suggest something, u also dont wan to reply me. then what am i suppose to do?

so what were ytd's words for?.. i want to believe in them. everytime i want to believe in everything u say, u always just go back against your words. again and again, i believe and again and again u break them.
i know u care about and all, but why must u always let your emotions get the better of u. your brain ask u be angry at me and shout at me u jiu do that. why u never think of my feelings and try to be in my shoes de.
i just dont understand why must we always quarrel about such STUPIDIDIOTFREAKINGLAMEASSDUMB^$#@*%$#*@!&$@#*&^$@#&*$#@ things.


ya, maybe i'm such a dumbass who does everything wrong. ya, maybe. that's why i hate myself for making u angry for making u sad for making u pissed off. whenever u're not happy, u think i'll be whooping and celebrating here ma? OF COURSE NOT. if u're sad, i'd be even affected a 1000000 times more. i wont be cheering out loud how happy i am to see u unhappy, i keep blaming myself for making u unhappy. i know it's always my fault. everything i do is wrong and i shouldnt have done it. i should have go find u but i didnt. i should have shut up but i didnt. i should have stop bothering u but i didnt. i should have go and kill myself, BUT I DIDNT.




i dislike it when u're angry.

WOOOHOOOOO~
3 days of holidays in a row!! so shiok. (:
but got quite a lot of maths and chinese hw de. wet blanket! functions and relations. i don't understand it at all lor. f(x) yadayada.
but i've got quite a lot of things to look forward to.

- cut hair tmr
- eat crabs the day after
- go dear house watch PIRATED pirates of the carribean. LOL. maybe my spelling wrong or whatever~
- national day!! this is the time to be patriotic.
- maybe watch a movie?
- DOTA BA!!!





i love it when u take control of my life.

things i've got to do :

1. stop myself from eating non-stop whenever i'm bored.
2. buy F.I.R's new album and GET HIGH. lol.
3. watch click, the lake house, pirates of the carribean, etc.
4. improve in my oh-so-pathetic dota.
5. shut myself up in front of ppl so that i won't provoke ppl without knowing.
6. cheer ______ up. he's really so sad. ))):
7. go and have my hair cut! too thick.
8. slim down. too much extra fat.
9. stop making dear angry by doing stupid things. sigh.
10. make him talk to me.

i'm borrrreeeddd..
there's nth to dooooooo~ even if u give me some hw now, i'd do it. because of the fact that my mummy, my own MOTHER lied to me that we're going out today. so i didnt go out! RAH. ): borrrreeeedddddd.

what else can i do other than reading HBP for the 4th time? maybe after HBP i'd read OoTP for the 6th or 7th time. i forgot, read too many times le. SAVE ME FROM BOREDOM!



*if only i could play dota at home. ))))))))))))):

curse that XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXS sized peranakan costume. blah. it's like so small, so tight! who in the world would fit into that!? i almost couldn't walk properly. zzz. and rc really hurt me. sniffs sniffs.
me : the skirt hen jing leh.
rc : shi ni de pi gu da la.
BOOOOOO. but seriously, yea. my butt's big. haha. but HEYHEYHEY! at least my butt is half the butt size of the woman who sabo-ed me into the competition. that makes me happy. haha. ah, reminds me. once jimmy said that she would make a good dai yan ren for the u-zap thingy. haha. then we'd know whether it's useful or not. i'm going to use it is i's useful i need to zapzap away all my buldging fats. zapzap! lol. stupid commercial.
all in all, we won. me and poo! wahahaha. poo my hero! and rc helped too! kyaw toooo! (: but is dui lian de la. look so stupid in the costume.

looked back at my blog just now and i saw how stupid i was. how much of an idiot could i be? complaining about my un-blessed life. lol. well, WHO F CARES? haha. all i wan now is to be a peranakan! (i'm joking)

steps to having a blessed life :
1. study mass comm.
2. graduate and work.
3. marry some guy in this huge world.
4. have 2 kids with some-guy-in-this-huge-world.
5. have grandkids. lol. too far.
6. die in my sleep

you shi hou, wo huo zhe huo zhe, jiu jian jian jue de sheng huo mei you yi yi.
looking at the people around me, they seem more blessed than me, don't they? money, friends. they do not lack of them at all. friends everywhere, whenever they need someone to accopany them, someone would appear. when they need money, they seem to be able to make it appear in their hands like magic. *poof* $20.

it's not that i'm materialistic, i may sound like it, but i guess it's just the work of jealousy. hmmm, no, maybe envy. looking at how easy their life goes. like water in a stream, flowing naturally with no doubt. on the other hand, me. yes, me. water in a rapid. whirlpools. wo zhi dao, bi qi yi xie qi ta de ren, wo di que shi hen xing fu le. i understand. at least i've got a boyfriend who loves me and is willing to take care of me. at the most, i've got a complete family. to think of it, no matter how poor i am, i still am able to live on.

but maybe for one day, i would like to be in the shoes of those i regard as "the blessed ones". envious is the word. mmm hmmm. to speak the truth, i don't understand the meaning of a friend. someone u can pour your problems to? or someone u have spoke at least 1 sentence to? how would u know whether to trust the person or not? i've stopped believing in true friendship after some time in secondary school life. how to believe? but sometimes, i really wished i had friends. whether they are true to me, or not. at least, i wont feel so alone? left out?

i often console myself, at least i've got marc.
on the other hand, i cant be sure how long he'd stay by my side.
all in all, it's just me. 2 and a half years. i've learnt independence that i didn't have. i've learnt not to be too trustful. i've learnt not to talk to much (u can make someone bu shuang just cos of a simple sentence, when u dun even mean to provoke that person).




i think i'd just treasure whatever i've got now, stop poking into other ppl's businesses, shut my big mouth up and study hard. considering how i feel as a child of my parents now, i don't think i wan my children to feel the same way as i do too.

so kim, JIAYOUJIAYOUJIAYOU!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CASAN!!
muackmuackmuack! (:

she's such a blessed girl. presents here presents there. lol. (: and she got what she wanted!!

anw, ltr still going out eat steamboat celebrate her bdae with the ol' gang. haha. broooookkkkeeee~ but oh well, da jia yi qi chi wan can. jiu jiu yi ci. (:
it's abt time i go bathe now anws. going to dear house meet him first. YUMMY FOOD HERE I COME. (realised i've been eating lots of yummy food lately. ah, another 2kg. blah.)